I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
