There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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