he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
