Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
