Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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