A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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