I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
