My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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