So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Boobs are out for the taking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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