Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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