I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
