Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize