i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
