someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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