Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is wine microwaveable?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
