dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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