he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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