What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
