did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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