She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
