she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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