Have you finally orgasmed yet?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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