hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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