What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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