i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wanna passion pit in your ass
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
