I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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