i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
