Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
