"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
