Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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