I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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