is wine microwaveable?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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