Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
