All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
