How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
