he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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