im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
