If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
