Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
