I just pynch a tree in the face
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
