if you like me you must not know who I am
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
