apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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