ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
