i barfeds in our rink
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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