can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
