What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
