Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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