so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's like heaven, but drunker
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
