some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I checked into jail on foursquare
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
