Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
