All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
