After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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