whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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