Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize