There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
