Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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