he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
