Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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