i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
