The maid of honor just puked.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
