I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize