from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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