Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
