I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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