No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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