You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
