I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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