I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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